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Ross has been terribly secretive of late and Demelza doesn't like to admit it, but it's made her rather cross.

She's still not back to work and so she has a good amount of free time and while Demelza knows she's supposed to be grateful for the time she's able to spend with her children, she also finds herself terribly bored and in dire need of something else to do. So she's come to look forward to Ross' arrival home with great anticipation. Abby is lovely company, but she is technically Demelza's employee, as strange as that may be, and since Demelza herself is home so often now, they don't need Abby's help as often as they will once she's back at work and so she finds herself alone a good amount of time. Waiting for Ross to come home and fill her time with something more interesting than diapers and colouring on paper is perhaps unfair of her, but she can't seem to help herself.

So when he begins to spend more and more time away from home, Demelza notices.

At first he denies it, claims it must be traffic making him later than usual. Then he tells her he's taken on a few extra lessons to make a bit more money after the holiday season. He says people buy their children riding lessons for Christmas and there's need for more work, which she supposes must be true, but she just doesn't believe it.

Still she trusts Ross. She trusts that whatever he's doing, it isn't going to harm her or their family in any way. She's merely annoyed he can't share it with her, but she's doing her best not to let that show. Darrow is a strange place for the both of them and they have to get by as best they can.

Even so, she'd brought out her new books tonight for when he arrives home. She had saved money from small side jobs she's done in the apartment building -- sewing mostly, but also caring for children here and there when their parents needed some time away -- and had bought what she knows are GED study books. She hasn't yet told Ross, so perhaps having them out and revealing a secret of her own will prompt him into telling her what's going on.

More likely not, but that doesn't stop her from sitting at the table with one of the books open, Jeremy chirping and cooing away on her lap.

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It becomes harder and harder as the days go by to keep his secret from Demelza.

Ross doesn't have the same luxury in Darrow as he had in Cornwall, if he can truly call having a legitimate reason to be away from home a luxury. He has no mine to operate here, no job that should require him to stay out as late as he does. The house is hardly close to being finished, and he'll soon run out of excuses Demelza won't immediately see through, if she doesn't see through them already. Add to that the fact that he returns home each evening looking more exhausted than he likely should, Ross is surprised his wife hasn't already demanded to know what he's really doing.

On the other hand, it does admittedly please him to know she trusts in his word, even if his word isn't necessarily true, in this case. He is working, the demand for lessons at the stables is high right now, but that's not what keeps him out. She'll understand, in the end, and Ross imagines she won't be unhappy with him once she discovers what he's been up to as of late.

When he does finally walk through the door of their apartment, chilled from the sweat that's had time to dry on his skin from working to prepare the land he's already been allotted for their home, it doesn't escape Ross's notice that Demelza is sitting rather primly at the table. Their son is in her lap, Ross imagines Julia must be having a nap, and Garrick sits loyally at Demelza's feet. It's not an unfamiliar scene, but she does seem to be surrounded by a fair number of books Ross doesn't recognize.

"It's been an eventful evening, has it?" Ross asks, shrugging his coat off and setting it on the back of one of the chairs at the table. He comes around to press a kiss to Demelza's cheek, then Jeremy's head, briefly glancing ruefully at Garrick before tilting his head at the books. "What is it you're doing, then?"

A little part of Demelza wants to swat Ross away and tell him it's none of his business what she's doing if he can't tell her what it is he's doing away from home, but it's true in a way, such transgressions are easier to forgive in Darrow. He'd not hurt her and though it was a very long time ago now, she remembers those first months here without him, how awful it had been, how horribly she'd missed him nearly all the time. There had been nights when she'd been unable to sleep at all, aching for the loss of him, and she'd had no choice but to get up with Julia in the morning and care for her with a smile that had too often felt false.

So perhaps she finds herself irritated now and then that Ross won't speak to her of some things, that he keeps things from her or that he can't seem to speak his mind when it matters most, but she's vowed never to take for granted that he's here. Closing her eyes briefly, Demelza leans into the kiss, then smiles up at Ross as he looks over the books she has out this evening.

"They're for studying," she answers. "I got 'em in the mail a few weeks back and I've yet to look them through, but as I was alone again tonight, I thought it as good a time as any. They're so I can take a test and they will give me a certificate and so I can use that for further education if I like."

She's still not entirely clear on how the system works, but she believes she has good friends who will help her learn more about it. And she doesn't know if she wants any further education, quite enjoying the job she has at Tintern Abbey, but she does know she would like for it to be an option. Demelza doesn't want to be the sort of person who puts up her own obstacles, not when there are plenty of people willing enough to do so.

Ross does his best to react to what she's said about being alone again, though he is vaguely amused that she'd managed to draw attention to that, even in some small way. She is a bit cross at him, then, Ross can't say he's surprised. It's true that he isn't home nearly as often as he usually is, though he's tried to spend as much time as possible at home on the weekends, not just to avoid further suspicion but because he does want to spend time with his family.

Ross has gotten used to being home in time for dinner and playing a bit with the children before putting them to bed on the evenings he and Demelza are both home. More than a few time as of late, he hasn't gotten home in time to do more than press a kiss to his children's cheeks while they're already fast asleep.

"I suspect you will use it," Ross says, settling down into a chair beside his wife and tugging one of the books closer to peer at the contents. This is something Demelza has mentioned wanting to do before, Ross had even considered it himself, but he knows he won't have the time to fit it in right now. Still, it's worth it for Demelza to do, and it's something she couldn't have done in Cornwall. It's no wonder she's so keen on it. "How are you finding it? You'll be teaching me a great deal of what you've learned, no doubt."

"Well," she says slowly, pausing for a long moment as she considers. Here is where it becomes clear she's not prepared to be truly angry with Ross, because for all he may irritate her at times and for all she wishes he would speak to her of things he may yet be ignoring, she knows she is also not terribly good with her words when her feelings get the best of her. There is so much she wants to tell him about these books, about how afraid she is, how fearful she's not nearly intelligent enough to pass the tests or find any work beyond being a seamstress or serving drinks at a pub.

Demelza is not so blind that she can't see where these fears come from. She is well aware that marrying Ross has made her both believe she is capable of being more and terrified her into wondering if she can possibly live up to such expectations, though she'd not blame him. It's only that he's opened her eyes up to a different world and there is no one else she can talk to about it.

Even if he does find her silly.

"Some of it I don't understand, Ross," she admits with a sigh. "It seems as though I must start earlier yet, especially with the mathematics. I understood how you balanced all your books and I know I wasn't supposed to be looking at 'em, but I did and the mine's no longer a concern anyway, so 'ee can't be mad at me for it. I understood that, but this is different."

"Some of it I wouldn't understand either," Ross reminds her, choosing to ignore what she'd said about looking into his books. It doesn't bother him that she'd done it, more that she would have seen what might have been noted as a failing of the mine, but it's in the past now. There are a great many things he can't possibly brush aside, forget as if they'd never happened, but he can keep them firmly separated from the life he has now. Being a world away, even centuries away, has made that easier than it might have been otherwise.

"We've both been learning," he continues, "all this time we've been here. I don't foresee that ever stopping and this may be different but don't forget what you are, Demelza." Ross pauses then, quirking a brow as he pulls back a bit to catch a gaze. "You're a Poldark. We persist even in the face of that which seems most daunting."

Perhaps that isn't always an admirable quality, but it's true. Ross, even now, finds it difficult to step away from a challenge, the consequences be damned. Demelza's studies, at least, can only lead her to better things.

"And you don't have to do it alone," Ross adds. "You've made friends with nearly everyone in this city, haven't you? I'm sure any number of them would be happy to help you. I will, too, if I can."

Stubborn though she may be, Demelza doesn't think she's met any family as headstrong as the Poldarks, and she lifts her gaze to smile at Ross, to share a little expression of amusement with him. He knows it as well, he has said as much, that they persist, and it makes her wonder all over again what it is he's doing in the long hours he spends away from him.

She should trust him. She does trust him, but it's only that she wishes he trusted her as well, trusted her enough to share all his secrets with her. Perhaps it's for the best, perhaps men and women should have some secrets from one another, and she considers that she might also find something harmless to keep from him. Besides these books, however, she has nothing. Life in Darrow is hardly exciting in the way that lends itself to secrets.

"You've helped me so much already, Ross," she says with a shake of her head. "I would never have learned my letters without you taking me into Nampara. I wouldn't know half of what I know already without that chance." Maybe Jud and Prudie hadn't been the best teachers, but they had certainly done what they were able, and Verity and Ross had picked up where they'd left off.

"Do 'ee think it something you might want to do eventually?" she asks, flipping through the book absently as Jeremy grasps wildly at the air. "Tis not that I think 'ee must and if you're happy at the stable, I think you should stay there, but everyone says there is more opportunity with the certificate."

It's true that Ross may have made it possible, or perhaps simply easier, for Demelza to learn her letters but she wouldn't have succeeded in that without persistence. She's a headstrong woman, she has been since the very moment they'd met, and while sometimes that can be utterly infuriating, it's also one of Ross's very favorite traits Demelza possesses. With even less of a judgmental society trying its best to make her feel small, Demelza can now thrive in Darrow, and Ross knows she's capable of more than she may give herself credit.

"We shall see," Ross says, reaching out to bring Jeremy from her lap to his own, grinning down at his son. Jeremy tugs at a curl, though it's gentle enough, and Ross chuckles as he curls his fist over the baby's hand.

He'd considered it once before, when Demelza had first made mention of the studies. Perhaps in the future, he will have the drive for it and more importantly, the time. As it is right now, he barely makes it home in time to fit in supper before feeling like he could collapse right into bed.

"When I have ample time, it could be useful," he continues thoughtfully. "I don't suppose I very much want to remain at the stables for longer than my stay is welcome." Rather, for longer than he can really stand.

Demelza gives Jeremy over willingly enough, returning some of her attention to the letters and figures in the book in front of her. It will take some doing, she thinks, looking over all she has to learn. Plenty of hard work and persistence, certainly, and she knows Ross is right, she certainly has that in her. Without him, she'd have not had the opportunity, but without him she knows there's every chance her father might have killed her eventually. Had he not, she supposes she'd have been married off to some miner in a desperate attempt to simply get her out of Tom Carne's house.

Her life would be a very different one without Ross and not simply due to her letters.

Ross says perhaps it's something he might do when he has ample time and she arches an eyebrow at the choice of words, but says nothing. There's a reason he doesn't currently have much extra time to spare, something he's chosen without informing her of what it is, but she won't ask him. She can't. It's the sort of thing she wants him to tell her willingly, not something she pries out of him.

"I d'think they'd want you there for as long as you'd be willing," she says instead, looking up at him again. "You're that good with the horses, Ross, and I expect 'ee know more than most do. Perhaps teaching others is not something I ever imagined for 'ee, but you're that good with the children, too. Tis only the upper class snobs that might have cause to worry."

Ross doesn't miss the look she casts at him; rather, he simply chooses to ignore it.

Perhaps it'll make her cross with him for some time, but he'd expected as much. Keeping the house a secret will be worth it in the end, just to see her face, Ross is certain of that. If he has to face her suspicions about what he could possibly be doing in the meantime, he's more than up to the challenge. Everyone he's managed to recruit to help with the home has been sworn to secrecy so he's quite confident this will work out precisely the way he intends.

"It's a good job," Ross concedes. "A steady one, anyhow, a far more reliable source of income than Wheal Leisure."

Even so, he does miss the thrill of finding copper, that sense of excitement that'd always come with a another taste of success. True, it'd started to fall apart by the time he'd arrived in Darrow but now that he's far enough away from it, Ross can let himself look back on the endeavor more fondly.

"But you miss it," she says and there's no question at all in her tone. Perhaps Darrow has afforded them opportunities they might not have had otherwise and although they are certainly not rich, they've made themselves a comfortable enough life between both their incomes and what the city supplies to them. Even so, she knows they both miss things about the home they've left behind in Cornwall. Demelza misses the friends she'd made and she misses Verity terribly. She misses the way the air smelled and how lovely it was to wake before the sun and be able to walk out her front door and watch as the sun rose over the edge of the water.

Ross misses the mine. He misses the cliffs and being able to ride. He misses Dwight and perhaps, though he'd never admit it even to himself, Francis as well. He'd not say it to Demelza and for that she's grateful, but she's certain he misses Elizabeth, too.

"I know 'ee miss it," she says. "Tis nothing to fault you for, there's so much I miss of Nampara, too. I miss Jud and Prudie if 'ee can believe it." She's smiling suddenly, remembering all the awful things they'd done, the hateful words they'd said, the cuffs to the back of her head she'd received more than a few times from Prudie before she and Ross had married. "They were worst servants in perhaps all the free world, though. Tis a good thing I didn't learn how to be a kitchen maid from them, isn't it?"

Ross doesn't say anything in response, Demelza doesn't need him to say it out loud to confirm it. Yes, he misses it. He misses home, his friends, his life in Cornwall. A part of him, a selfish part, even misses the reputation he'd had among those who'd respected him because their opinions had been the ones that mattered most. Those in his own class, most of them had been fools, and Ross would be the first to say so; but his friends had treated him as one of their own most of the time and frankly, Ross couldn't have asked for anything more.

"I do not miss Jud and Prudie," Ross settles on saying, though that's not entirely true. They'd been tiresome, to be sure, but they'd been loyal. To an extent. "My dear, if you'd learned to be a kitchen maid from either one of them, you would not have remained my kitchen maid for long."

He's teasing, of course, and he smirks at her as he says it. The truth of it is, as much as he misses home, there's no comparing it to what he's been given here. His daughter back, his wife well, his son. Ross would never trade any of this for the chance to return home, to a life without the three people he loves most.

"It would have been as good as hiring Garrick as a maid, I expect," he adds, lifting his chin in prepared defiance.

"Garrick would be far more eager to clean the dishes," she points out with a smile, looking right back at Ross with a steady gaze. As far as she's concerned, her dog can do no wrong -- and he had no crawlers on him, no matter what Ross said -- and that includes being a kitchen maid if it were to come down to that. Mostly she's teasing, of course, but Garrick has been her friend and her protector longer than anyone and she fears deeply for the day he may no longer be around to watch over them all. Dogs die, she knows that, they don't live nearly as long as their humans, but she will never be prepared for it, no matter what she may know to be true.

"And at least he's never dropped Julia on her face like Prudie did," she continues. "If we consider it, Garrick is proving to not only be a better kitchen maid, but a far superior child minder as well."

Ross is teasing her regarding having lasted as his kitchen maid, she knows that, but she supposes there's a bit of truth to it as well. He'd not loved her from the start, he wouldn't have kept her out of some simple need to be around her and although she knows he'd wanted to protect her -- he'd proved as much when her father had come looking for her -- she doubts she would have been so welcome had she not already proven to be an asset to his house.

Her irritation at his secrets dissipates suddenly and she reaches across the table to touch his arm, the one he has wrapped around their son. "I'm that lucky you kidnapped me, Ross Poldark. Garrick and I both are."

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