[september 4]

[letitbetrue]

It's likely there are those who would find the habit strange, but Demelza has discovered a certain peace in visiting the cemetery on particularly quiet days.

She'd first come out here months ago while exploring, having found the place purely by chance, and now she comes to visit once or twice a month, usually bringing flowers along with her. There are so many graves here, so many more than she's ever seen before in her life, and there are far too many of them without flowers. It makes her wonder who mourns for these people, if perhaps they had no one in their life or if their own family and friends are long dead and gone as well. There are times when she creates stories for them all, imagining them as people other than who they might have been, but for the most part she just leaves them flowers and then walks on.

It's a fair distance from home, even from the city proper, but she's never had cause to worry about it before today. The cemetery grounds stretch far and wide, but she enjoys the walk, and it's as she's headed toward one particularly lovely monument near the back that she feels a painful sort of tugging down near the tops of her thighs. She pauses for a moment, then continues on, seeing no reason not to keep walking. The pain comes again a few moments later and Demelza stops again, one hand atop a gravestone.

She wishes suddenly she'd brought Garrick with her, if only to have someone to speak with.

Once she feels well enough to continue, she makes her way to the stone angel, lays a few bluebells at its feet, then gives it a gentle pat and turns to go back the way she's come, which is when the worst of the pain rips through her. It's the worst sort of cramping she's ever felt, worse even than when Julia had been born, and she cries out, clutching at the angel's foot in an attempt to keep herself upright.

It's a long walk back to the entrance of the cemetery, longer still to get back into the city and she is suddenly deeply afraid.

"Judas," she curses, then sucks in a few deep breaths and remembers her portable telephone. For the most part Demelza doesn't use it, but she fumbles it out of her dress pocket now, using the button and the screen as Abby had taught her, then pressing the button that will call Ross.

"Oh, Ross, please pick up," she begs softly as the telephone rings. "Please, please pick- Judas God!" she curses again as another contraction tears through her.

Comments

[letitbetrue]

The pains are still coming, sure and true, but having Ross undress her soothes Demelza like she'd known it would. His hands are gentle and she feels incredibly loved in this moment, knowing how much he's come to care for her, for the family they're building, and she'd never thought such a life possible for herself. Being born in Illugan to a man like Tom Carne should have guaranteed her fate. She would have been, at best, a bal maiden and at worst she would have been married off to some miner as cruel as her father, someone who might have hit just as hard or harder still.

She doesn't love Ross because he saved her, but there's little sense pretending she'd gone with him initially for any other reason than to protect herself. She doesn't love him just because he rescued her, but it does cause her heart to swell whenever she thinks back to the fight he'd had with her father, how he'd refused to let her go back to such violence.

His fingers pass over the scars on her back as he undresses her and she doesn't flinch, doesn't care at all.

"Judas, Ross, are 'ee putting another in me so soon?" she asks with a laugh, avoiding the rest, as they both know she's not likely to relax quite as much as he would like her to. "Suppose it might be for the best. Then I'd not have to find my figure again only to lose it in another year or so if things were to take such a turn."

As he helps her back onto the bed, another pain overtakes her and Demelza winces, clinging to Ross's hand. "Tis a wonder any woman does this willingly," she says. "We must forget the pain as soon as we see our child."

[herhumbleservant]

"Let us hope not," Ross says, smiling though he is sincere. He can't imagine going through this a third time so soon after a second, the mere thought of it is overwhelming. They already both work hard enough as it is to make sure they're not only making ends meets but living comfortably because that's what Ross has always intended for his family. The labor at Wheal Leisure may have been tiresome and ever frustrating, but he'd had a vision of a better future, not just for himself but for his workers and investors. Perhaps it hadn't gone quite like planned, but Ross remains proud, even, of what they'd accomplished.

He does wonder what's become of Wheal Leisure now. It doesn't matter, he supposes, not when there's no going back, but that doesn't make him any less curious.

In any case, his plans for his wife and children are growing larger in Darrow. There are things he'd like to do, though he hasn't shared any of them with Demelza yet, and Ross hardly has the makings of a plan yet but after their child is born and they've had time to grow accustomed to having a second baby, he wants to move forward. He'll have to find help, those who'll be willing to lend a hand without much more than the offer of food and water, but Ross hopes it will all turn out well in the end. In any case, he has more pressing matters to consider right now, so he turns his attention away from the future and refocuses it back on Demelza.

"Julia was worth the pain, was she not?" Ross teases, reaching out to press his hand again Demelza's swollen belly. "As this one will be, too. A girl, you think, right? Our own little Verity will soon join us in the world, and we'll fall in love in an instant. That will make three Poldark ladies who have a hold on my heart."

[letitbetrue]

"Of course she was," Demelza answers, knowing there's nothing in the world she wouldn't do for her children, for her family. The pain is terrible, wrenching, and she grits her teeth against it as she leans back against the pillows. In a moment, the nurses will come bustling into the room, they'll do what they can for her, they'll help her with the pain and guide her breathing. These are all things she's read about since learning she was with child and while she's never experienced them before, she's been under the impression they're all things meant to make child birth easier.

How such a thing is possible is truly beyond her, but she hadn't expected the surgeons here to be able to cure her and Julia either, but they had. And so she trusts them to do what's right by her and by their new baby.

"How do 'ee know she'll be a girl?" she asks, closing her eyes for a moment so she can try to relax and breathe. "Perhaps I'll give you a son, a little Jeremy Dwight." Though she must admit, the thought of having a daughter named Verity, after her dearest friend and Ross's most wonderful cousin, it does fill her with a warmth as well. What she wouldn't give to see them again, Verity and Dwight both, even Francis and Elizabeth. There are some wounds that nothing can mend, but they are family and she believes enough time has gone by that Ross might see it like she does as well.