letitbetrue | [september 4]

Entry tags:

ross

[september 4]

It's likely there are those who would find the habit strange, but Demelza has discovered a certain peace in visiting the cemetery on particularly quiet days.

She'd first come out here months ago while exploring, having found the place purely by chance, and now she comes to visit once or twice a month, usually bringing flowers along with her. There are so many graves here, so many more than she's ever seen before in her life, and there are far too many of them without flowers. It makes her wonder who mourns for these people, if perhaps they had no one in their life or if their own family and friends are long dead and gone as well. There are times when she creates stories for them all, imagining them as people other than who they might have been, but for the most part she just leaves them flowers and then walks on.

It's a fair distance from home, even from the city proper, but she's never had cause to worry about it before today. The cemetery grounds stretch far and wide, but she enjoys the walk, and it's as she's headed toward one particularly lovely monument near the back that she feels a painful sort of tugging down near the tops of her thighs. She pauses for a moment, then continues on, seeing no reason not to keep walking. The pain comes again a few moments later and Demelza stops again, one hand atop a gravestone.

She wishes suddenly she'd brought Garrick with her, if only to have someone to speak with.

Once she feels well enough to continue, she makes her way to the stone angel, lays a few bluebells at its feet, then gives it a gentle pat and turns to go back the way she's come, which is when the worst of the pain rips through her. It's the worst sort of cramping she's ever felt, worse even than when Julia had been born, and she cries out, clutching at the angel's foot in an attempt to keep herself upright.

It's a long walk back to the entrance of the cemetery, longer still to get back into the city and she is suddenly deeply afraid.

"Judas," she curses, then sucks in a few deep breaths and remembers her portable telephone. For the most part Demelza doesn't use it, but she fumbles it out of her dress pocket now, using the button and the screen as Abby had taught her, then pressing the button that will call Ross.

"Oh, Ross, please pick up," she begs softly as the telephone rings. "Please, please pick- Judas God!" she curses again as another contraction tears through her.

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Ross doesn't carry his mobile with him while he's at work at the stables. It hardly seems practical, carrying such a distraction in his back pocket when he's meant to be focused on his pupils. Learning to ride a horse, while like second nature to him, is not an easy task for all and so, Ross has never taken issue with setting aside personal matters during lessons.

In between, he does admittedly check for messages, just to make sure nothing seems out of the ordinary. Sometimes, Abby sends pictures of Julia looking particularly sweet, and it does serve to warm him for the rest of the day until he gets to see his daughter again but today, there's nothing of the sort quite yet. It's still early, there may be something to look forward to later, but just as he shifts to tuck the phone back in his coat pocket, it begins to ring.

For a moment, he merely stares at the name identifying the caller, finding it odd that Demelza is ringing him when she so rarely does. Most times, they do well enough waiting to catch each other up on their days for when they get home and besides that, Demelza knows he's at work and doesn't regularly carry the phone with him. His chest tightens with a bit of panic, hoping he's overreacting and that this isn't urgent at all, and he manages to keep any sign of worry out of his tone when he answers.

"Demelza?" he asks in lieu of greeting, eyes widening when he hears her cursing on the other end. The baby, he thinks immediately, and Ross hates that past experience has instilled a sense of fear in him. "Demelza, what is it? What's happened?"

"Ross," she nearly sobs, relieved more than she can say by the simple sound of his voice. She knows it doesn't solve her problem, she's still too terribly far from the city and the hospital, with the baby announcing itself ready to be born, but at least Ross will know now where she is and she won't be alone for long. He'll come for her or he'll send one of those terribly loud ambulances she's only just barely gotten used to, but at least she won't be lost out here alone with no one to help her.

Their baby can't be born in a cemetery. It's simply not possible. Demelza might not believe most of what Aunt Agatha has to say about omens and signs, but she can't pretend having a child in a cemetery wouldn't have to be seen as some kind of terrible sign. At least she won't have to explain why she's out here, she's told Ross before why she comes, what she does, she's explained to him why it makes her feel nice to do something, no matter how small a gesture it might be, and even if no one ever knows she does it. Ross may not understand it, but he's accepted it.

"Oh, Ross, I went out to bring flowers to some of the graves and I thought it would be fine, but the baby is coming now," she says in a rush, fighting by another pained cry as one more cramp washes over her, making her clench her teeth hard enough her jaw aches. "I'm alright. The baby is alright, it's just time. It's time now and I'm so far from the city and I walked, as I always do."

She's never had a problem walking before. In Cornwall she'd walked nearly everywhere she might have to go and in Darrow she's changed none of her habits. Now she regrets it terrible.

"Right."

Right. For a moment, Ross forgets how to breathe, frozen to the spot as he tries to let Demelza's words sink in, though there's a very distinct part of his mind urging him to get a move on. The baby's coming, she'd said. Demelza is in a bloody cemetery far from the hospital because she'd been taking flowers out to the graves of souls she's never once met, and the baby is coming.

It all catches up with him then, in one fell swoop, Ross remembers all that their doctor has told them. He remembers the instructions they'd been given if an emergency like this were ever to happen and what he'll need to do once he's able to calm Demelza enough to make the necessary calls to retrieve her from the cemetery. He takes a deep breath, pacing in the stables, and he hears Darkie huff from just a few feet away at his distress, but Ross pays none of it any mind.

"How far apart are the pains?" he asks, his free hand rubbing absently on the stubble he hadn't bothered to shave this morning. "Has your water broken? Are you alone, is there anyone who can help, or can you find somewhere to rest? I need to know exactly where you are, Demelza, I'm going to have to call the hospital to get you." She's not having their second child alone in a cemetery, Ross will make damn sure of that.

"Listen to me, love," he says, "I just need you to find a place you can stay still for a bit, and you have to stay calm until I can find you. Do you understand? I'll call the doctor but then I'll stay on the phone with you all the time until we're together again, I promise you that."

At his questions, she has to pause a moment, still clutching the stone foot of the angel, taking stock of her body. Another pain washes over her and she grits her teeth, then counts backward to the last one and finds it's been several minutes. Long enough that it likely means the baby is not coming this second, but that she likely has several more hours before their arrival. Her water has not broken yet, though it hadn't with Julia either, not until after when she had already been in the bed, the sheets soaked through with her sweat.

"We have time yet," she says. "The pains are bad, but they ent that close together. Not yet. And..." She pauses again, letting the sound of her husband's breathing on the other end of the telephone calm her further. Ross is good in a moment of panic, unless it's his own, at which point he's prone to snap decisions and anger, but here, with her, he's calm enough. Collected to the point where she can take strength from that and let it bolster her own.

"No, I'm alone," she says. "Unless there are others closer toward the gates. There are benches there, Ross, I'll go to 'em. That'll make the... oh, what do 'ee call it?" She knows what she means, the big red and white vehicle with the screaming sirens and the flashing lights. She'd been placed in one her very first day in Darrow and it had utterly terrified her, but now she's come to accept them as part of daily life, even if she can't remember what they're called right now.

"It'll make me easier to find," she says. "I'll go now and you call and then call me right back, please, Ross. Promise you will."

He nearly snaps that of course he'll call her back, does she really think him so cruel that she wouldn't, but Ross manages to take a breath that does little to calm him but helps to set him back on a proper path of thinking. Demelza is alone in a cemetery with the baby on the way, she needs reassurance, not a hot-tempered husband who speaks before he thinks. On any other given day, she may handle that well enough but today, she needs him to be a better man.

"I promise I will," he tells her, nodding though she can't see him. "I'll be just a moment, and you'll be fine. You'll both be just fine. I'm calling the ambulance now, that's what it's called, Demelza, the ambulance. I'm calling now, alright? I love you."

Ross disconnects the call then, his fingers trembling as he dials Darrow's emergency line. He's never had to use it before but the number is only three digits so it's simple enough to remember in times of distress, and he is starting to feel rather distressed. Being here, at the stables, he feels helpless, like he ought to be doing far more but what will help Demelza most is if he keeps a level-head. Taking Darkie out to the cemetery right now won't help her, but he can get her to the hospital and meet here there. Yes, that's something he can do.

He's promised the ambulance will arrive at the cemetery shortly, and Ross knows his pleas won't get it there any faster, but he makes sure three times before hanging up that the ambulance really is on its way. He dials a taxi next, spitting out his location before quickly hanging up and calling Demelza's mobile. He needs to hear her voice again. He needs to know nothing's gone wrong in the short time they haven't been talking.

By the time her telephone rings again, she's nearly made her way all the way back to the front of the cemetery and she can hear those awful sirens in the distance, which she prays is for her. Ross will never fail her, she knows that, and she hadn't doubted him for a second, but she can't pretend as if the sound of the sirens, as terrible as they are, aren't also very welcome. It won't be too long now and they'll be here for her, they'll be here to take her to the hospital where she can have their baby in a safe environment and all she needs to do to help is make her way to the benches at the front so they'll be able to find her.

She's still several steps away when her telephone rings and another cramp of pain seizes her all at once, but there is suddenly someone at her arm, a woman not much older than she is and her fingers close down tight around Demelza's elbow, steadying her.

"Let me help," the woman says. "Are you in labour?"

"Yes," Demelza answers. "My husband called an ambulance." She's glad he'd told her what it was called before hanging up, pleased that Ross knows she always wants to learn, always wants to understand even in a moment like this, when she's in pain and frightened, that learning actually helps to calm her. Now that she's faced with someone else, she's especially grateful for the efforts Ross has made to help her even in a moment such as this. "That'll be him calling now."

"Answer it," the woman says. "I'll help you to the bench."

"Ross," Demelza says when she presses the button to answer his call. "I'm sorry it took me so long to answer. There's a woman helping me to the benches at the front of the cemetery. I'm not alone here any longer, I'm... I'll be okay. I'm that sorry I came out here, I should've known better."

"Don't apologize," Ross insists immediately, pacing outside of the stable gates as he squints under the bright sun in search of the taxi he's called.

The seconds between dialing Demelza's number and hearing her voice had been agony. He'd felt as though a spike of fear had pierced directly into his chest and even though he's forced himself to remove that fear from his voice while talking to Demelza, Ross can't help the way his hands are trembling. There's nothing to truly be afraid of, he knows, Demelza will soon be taken to the hospital where she and the baby will be safe, where they'll be surrounded by doctors who know exactly how to care for her, doctors who won't abandon her to give birth in a room with anyone who will drop their baby on his head. Her head. It doesn't matter, either way.

"And of course you'll be okay," he continues, bringing his free hand to rub at his brow. "There's no other option, is there? You have to be and so does the baby. Demelza, we'll get to meet our son or daughter soon. I'll have Abby bring your bag and Julia, and we'll be together as a family. Doesn't that sound grand? Our little family, growing ever larger."

They'd come so close to not having this, too close to having to mourning, and Ross had spent only a day engulfed in heartbreak for his daughter but it'd been a day too long. Now, they'll welcome new life into the world, a second child they'd created together not because that's what would be expected from them but because they love each other. Carrying a child isn't Demelza's duty, not as a woman nor a wife, and Ross would never imply that to be so. This child was created out of their love, and he or she will be loved, wholly and fiercely, for as long as Ross is alive. The same is true of Demelza and Julia, it always will be.

"I can see my taxi," he says suddenly, lifting his hand to signal at the driver. "Has the ambulance arrived yet, love? Is that woman still there with you, she hasn't left, has she?"

"Yes, she's still here with me," Demelza says, smiling gratefully as the woman helps lower her to the bench, still holding tightly to Demelza's arm, taking care to make sure she doesn't fall. She's very pretty, Demelza notices, she looks a little like Elizabeth with her soft, dark hair and wide green eyes, and she suddenly feels a wave of nostalgia so strong it startles her into silence. It isn't even that she looks that much like Elizabeth, but it's enough.

The last time she had seen Elizabeth, she had still been so sick. Ross had told her they had recovered, that she and Francis and Geoffrey Charles were all on the mend because of what Demelza had done for them, and she's ever so grateful for that, but she does miss them all. Any animosity she'd felt has long since fled and she would like very much to see them all again.

"I can hear the ambulance," she tells him, finally wrenching herself from her nostalgia. "It's near, Ross, it won't be very long. I'll tell them you'll be arriving in a taxi." And she makes herself a promise now not to be frightened, no matter what happens. It isn't anyone's fault but her own that she's so far away from Ross and the hospital, so she mustn't burden him with her fears. The ambulance is only coming to help her and even if it does remind her of her first frightening hours here, she can pretend as if things aren't quite so terrible. For Ross and for their baby.

"Here it is, Ross," she says. "It's quite near. I don't know if they'll let me stay on the telephone. I might have to let go."

He hasn't even told anyone at the stables he's leaving. It hadn't occurred to him until right this moment, while stepping into the cab, but his job be damned. The owners are reasonable, Ross hardly expects they'll sack him for rushing to make sure he's there for his wife giving birth and if they do, they're hardly anyone he'd want to continue working for anyhow. All that matters to him right now is getting to Demelza, seeing with his own eyes that she's going to be alright, and he wants so badly to be grasping her hand right now. He wonders if it'd be more of a comfort for her or himself, at this point that's not entirely clear, but he instructs the driver to take him to the hospital and then the rest of the world fades away.

"I'll be there at the hospital to meet you in no time at all, I swear it," Ross tells his wife, leaning back against the cushion of the seat. He isn't relaxed, not by any means, and he's fidgeting in a way that makes him uncomfortable but there's no way to pace when he's sitting in a taxi. "You just stay with me until they say you can't any longer, you tell them your husband will make them pay for it if you have to disconnect a second before that."

He brings a hand up to rub at this temple, his fingers brushing over the raised skin of his scar, and he lets his eyes fall shut as a soft smile twitches at the corners of his mouth. "Do you think we'll have a boy or girl, hmm? Will Julia grow up with a little Jeremy or Verity?"

There's no way of knowing, all the superstitions Demelza has told him about when it comes to guessing what the child will be have all sounded rather absurd to him. Rosss just hopes to distract Demelza from what he's certain must be frightening her, even in some small way. She's never been in an ambulance before, neither has Ross, and he doesn't know how to provide comfort for that because he doesn't quite know what it means to be whisked away in one so he's doing the best he can. Until he's there to be with Demelza, it's all he can do.

Oh, I don't know," she says with a soft laugh, then hisses through her teeth at the pressure of another contraction pulls through her. The ambulance has cut off the awful siren sound and she can see men coming out of the back, men and women both, actually, and she's suddenly terribly grateful. While she's certain the men are capable of helping her, of doing their job properly, it's the women who will understand what she's experiencing better, even if they've never had children of their own. It's simply something men cannot comprehend, what it feels like to have something causing such pain from inside of men in this manner. It's simply different.

They bring over a bed for her to be rolled away on and even as the woman who's been helping takes her arm again, Demelza feels rather silly. She can still walk, at least, she thinks she must be able to, for she's able to stand, but one of the women and one of the men from the ambulance take hold of her carefully and sit her down on the edge of the rolling bed and she hasn't the strength to truly protest.

"Thank 'ee!" Demelza calls to the woman who has been helping her and she realizes now she hasn't even asked her name. "Ross, oh, I forgot to ask for her name. I'd like to thank her for helping and I didn't even..." She trails off and grits her teeth again, transferring her telephone from one hand to the other as the woman from the ambulance wraps a sort of cuff around her arm and begins to use a pump. She remembers them from her stay in the hospital upon her arrival, she believes it's for her blood pressure.

"I think we're having another girl," she decides, returning to Ross and his question. "Though 'ee know how happy I would be with a boy, too. All I want is for the baby to be healthy and to see you again. I don't think I like this ambulance, Ross, it's that strange even if the people are kind."

Every time Ross hears another hiss of pain, it makes him clench his fist in his lap. He should be with her already, he thinks, never mind that he'd had work or it's a fortnight before her due date or he couldn't have predicted that his wife would venture off on her own to a cemetery, of all place. When it comes to Demelza, what Ross knows with certainty is only that she's unpredictable. Telling her to do something is often met with her decision to do the complete opposite and in the past, that's caused more trouble than Ross thinks her actions had been worth, but in the end, it's her passion and strong will that'd attracted him to her in the first place. She's unlike any other woman he's ever known, and he loves her so deeply, even when they're furious at each other for some such thing they're not likely to care much about once they've forgiven each other.

There's nothing to be angry about now, not even the fact that she'd gone so far from home as pregnant as she is. Ross can't fault her for having a heart, though that compassion had cost them dearly once, and there's nothing left for him to do but make sure that in these moments they're forced to be apart, he gives her at least some small comfort.

"We'll find her later," Ross promises, though he can't be certain they will. There's no knowing if Demelza will ever see that woman again, in fact, even if she does go back to the cemetery looking for her. "We'll give her proper thanks, and we'll bring both our girls with us. Because it doesn't matter, Demelza, I'll be happy with a son or a daughter, I will love this child of ours as dearly as I love you and Julia." He already does, has so much love for this little boy or girl he's yet to meet, is so protective already, so eager to hold their baby in his arms for the first time.

"And whether or not you like the ambulance has no bearing," he scolds lightly, "they're there to help you so you'll listen to everything they say." Easier said than done, he muses, but that can't be helped. He pauses, asking the driver how much longer to the hospital, and is rewarded in kind with a satisfactory response. "I'm almost there, Demelza, I'll likely make it to the hospital first so I'll be there to greet you."

Everything Ross is saying to her is so kind, so sweet, and she knows he must be truly worried for him to be saying such things. It isn't that her husband isn't capable of showing love and affection, quite the opposite, in fact, and it's his affection that's gotten her into this state to begin with, but Ross is better with actions and gestures than he is with words. At first Demelza had struggled with that, she'd had difficulty understanding what he meant when he looked at her the right way, always instead expecting him to tell her how he feels.

So there are times when the words come, but she finds it tends to be in moments of great stress and right now it almost makes her laugh. Almost. Because the ambulance is quite frightening and as she's wheeled toward it, the female attendant touches her arm gently.

"We're going to need you to hang up your call," she says softly. "We need to take your information and you'll have to give us some answers before we get you to the hospital. Is it your husband on the line with you?"

Demelza nods, looking fearful.

"Tell him we'll have you there in no time and there's nothing at all to be worried about."

"Ross?" Demelza asks. "Did 'ee hear her? I must let you go, but they shall have me at the hospital straight away and there's nothing to worry about."

He wants to demand she give the phone to whoever it is who's told her she needs to go. His fist only clenches harder, his knuckles gone white, the frustration not born of anger but fear, of what might happen and what has happened before; but Ross presses his lips together as he shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath through his nose. He cannot lose control, not now, not when Demelza and their child need him to keep a level head. Ross believes in no god, but the thought of hearing the first cries of their baby comes to him like a blessing. It's enough to make him nod, to swallow down the lump that's formed in his throat.

"Alright, if they say there's nothing to worry about, I suppose we have no choice but to believe them," Ross says, though it's hardly alleviated any of his stress. Still, he trusts those helping Demelza to know what they're doing, even if he doesn't understand a great deal of it. They aren't the likes of Choake, at least not the ones he's met. Most have been more in line with Dwight's principles, and he knows his friend would urge him to remain calm now.

Glancing up through the window of the taxi, Ross can see the hospital ahead, and he lets out a short sigh of relief. "I'll be waiting, my love. I'll see you soon."

End the call takes all of Demelza's strength and she tucks the telephone back into her dress pocket with trembling fingers, looking at the woman who has been assisting her all this time. The people in the ambulance are efficient, however, and they're kind and they work easily with Demelza, asking her questions and generally putting her at ease, a task which she would have not thought possible. But soon enough she's smiling, even as they test her blood pressure and put the cold metal against her chest to listen to her heart beat.

"And here we are," the woman says as they pull up outside of the hospital. "All with nothing to worry about, just like I said. Is this your first baby?"

Demelza shakes her head. "My second, though tis my first in Darrow. All this is very different than what I'm used to." She never thinks twice about telling people she's not from Darrow, doesn't understand the fuss about it at all when she's sure people can tell simply by looking at her, at the way she dresses and the language she uses. Still, two of the people in the ambulance exchange a glance that's not unnoticed by Demelza and had another pain not gripped her, she knows she would have asked what they thought they were doing, looking at each other like that with no regard for her or her baby, just because they're from somewhere else.

But by the time the pain has passed, she's all but forgotten, especially as she spots Ross through the window.

"There's my husband!" she says, pointing as they begin to unload her from the ambulance. "Ross, I'm here!"

By the time he hears Demelza calling for him, Ross has already shouted at two different hospital workers, demanding to know why on earth the ambulance is considered suitable for emergencies when it can't get his wife here any faster than the taxi he'd taken. Neither of them had seem particularly phased, especially not after learning he's soon to be a father, which Ross thinks he ought to take offense to because it clearly means they think he's just being hysterical.

While that may be the case, it doesn't stop him from pacing outside the doors where the ambulance is meant to arrive. He's sent a message to Abby to tell her the baby is coming and after receiving a text with an excessive number of exclamation points, Ross had asked her to kindly bring Julia to the hospital along with a bag for Demelza.

When he finally spots his wife, Ross feels as though an enormous weight has been lifted from her shoulders. She looks like she's been cared for well enough by those accompanying her, and he rushes to her side to grasp her hand. "You're alright," he says, flashing her a brief smile before his brow creases with concern. "You are alright, aren't you?"

"She's doing great," a woman walking alongside them says, and Ross glances up at her with uncertainty. "Your wife's vitals are all stable and there weren't any complications on the way. The doctors will be able to tell you more once they see her but for right now, it's safe to say that the only thing you really need to worry about is how long it'll be before you meet your baby."

"Thank you," Ross says, nearly breathless with relief, and he smiles back down at Demelza, reassured. "Let us both hope it won't be too long."

"Well, Julia weren't long at all, do 'ee remember?" she asks, reaching for Ross's hand between the people who've crowded around her and she feels a bit silly now, finding herself wishing she'd thought to do the sensible thing and call one of the taxi cabs Ross had taken. Kili had done so for her and Julia on their very first day here and they'd been far more ill and in much quicker need of medical attention at that time, but the taxi cab had been more than sufficient. She doesn't need an ambulance now and had she not panicked at the prospect of being so far from the hospital, she would have been able to reach that conclusion on her own.

No one seems angry with her for having had Ross call an ambulance, but she feels as if she could likely walk on her own now and glances at Ross almost apologetically for having worried him so.

"She were there almost before Doctor Choake could come back for me," she continues and she thinks she might be on the verge of rambling, but she's quite nervous about this entire thing. Having a child is one thing and she's of the mind she'd be able to do it again without much issue, but the hospital is still so new and strange to her, despite having spent time here upon arrival in Darrow. This just isn't how women have babies where she's from and if she's honest with herself, she'd much rather be in her own familiar bed right now, holding Ross's hand and having Dwight tend to her.

But Dwight is not here. The doctors only want to help and she's been told over and over that a sterile environment is for the best as it reduces the risk of infection. After being told, she'd gone to the library for books on infections and what cause them and she understands now why babies are had in hospitals, but that doesn't mean she has to like it.

"I've been reading, Ross, and most books do say the second child will come much faster than the first," she continues. "But Julia were so quick, I think this one must take at least a little while longer." They're wheeling her into the hospital and down a hallway, but she doesn't look away from Ross. "Right?"

What Ross remembers most is hearing his daughter's first cries before rushing to see her, only to be greeted by the horrifying sight of Julia being dropped to the ground. He would've lashed Prudie right then and there had he not been far too distracted by the task of welcoming Julia to the world, of holding her in his arms with the utmost awe as he'd wondered how on earth he could've had a part in making someone so undeniably perfect.

It's a feeling he'd relished, and he looks forwarding to feeling it again when their next child arrives. He does hope it is sooner than later, as Demelza seems to think it will be, not only because of the anticipation but because he'd rather not see his wife through too much suffering. He can tell her all he'd like that it'll be worth it once they hold their baby in their arms but the truth of the matter is, it'd likely only earn him an angry glare. It would be fair enough, he's not the one subject to pains of childbirth, and Ross has never been one to believe women are only good for bearing children. If he was, he doubts Demelza would ever have been very taken by him at all.

"Well, this one is early," Ross points out, which he's still not entirely convinced is a very good thing, though they've been reassured more than a few times that it would be just fine if that were the case. His fear is that the baby will be too ill if he or she comes too quickly, that they'll be stuck in this hospital and awaiting the worst sort of news, but he recognizes that this is unlikely. After what'd happened to Julia, he isn't sure his heart could take much more hardship of that kind, and he reminds himself that they're in much better conditions in Darrow. The doctors, who are decidedly quite the opposite of Choake, will know exactly what to do and advise them best of what the next steps shall be.

"But everything will be fine," he promises, squeezing Demelza's hand. "I'm sure of it. Julia and Abby will be here soon and once the baby arrives, they'll let us return home in no time at all."

Demelza prepares to say something in return, though a pain seizes her and her hand clutches instinctively at Ross's, holding onto him tightly as the pain slowly expands through her, down her lower back, into her pelvis and her upper thighs. They come more often now, stronger than before, and as she's wheeled into a room, she realizes there's much yet left to do. They must undress her and she feels a flush of embarrassment, realizing the nurses and doctors might see so much more than she would like.

It's one thing, thinking of Dwight being the one to help her, but it's quite another, knowing all these strangers will be exposed to her most intimate parts.

"Ross," she all but whispers as the kind woman from the ambulance helps her to sit up and then walk to the bed within the room. "Ross, can 'ee help me undress and change into the gown they give me? I don't want..." She frowns then, the expression tight, her modesty taking over. She doesn't want them to see. It's one thing, too, showing herself to her husband, she knows he loves her and loves how she looks under her bodice and undergarments and she takes pride in the pleasure she can give him, but her body is hers alone, to be shared only with those she wants to see and Ross is the only man whose eyes should have the freedom to roam across her.

"Is that alright?" she asks one of the women. "That my husband help me without anyone else in the room? The baby's not comin' just yet and I'd feel that much better if it were only him t'see me."

"Of course," she answers, touching Demelza's arm. "We have a gown for you, he can help you into it. Your doctor is coming from his office, so he'll be a bit anyway. The nurses will take care of you, but I'll let them know you're changing with your husband first. We're not in any rush and I don't think your baby is quite ready to see the rest of us yet either."

"Thank 'ee," Demelza answers, flushed only slightly as the woman passes the gown to Ross.

Ross takes the gown with a grateful smile, waiting until they're alone in the room before he shifts his attention back to Demelza. It's quiet in here, a bit cold and unwelcoming, so he sets the gown down for a moment to sit down beside his wife on the bed and wrap her in his arms. "You're alright?" he asks, pressing a kiss to her hair before leaning back to get a better look at her, offering a small but reassuring smile. "Of course you are. We'll hold our second child in our arms soon enough, and it'll be worth all of this, won't it?"

He gets back up then, holding out a hand for Demelza to take so he can help her begin to undress. It's not unfamiliar, he's well-acquainted with what it takes to undo the ties of her dress, to slip the sleeves from her shoulders to reveal fair skin only he's ever had the privilege of touching. Today, especially, he goes about the task with reverence, not trying to ignite any heat between them but moving slowly all the same, taking care to make sure Demelza understands that he will be here for her through this, for as long as she wants him by her side.

"Next time," he says, his tone taking on a moderately sharp edge, "you won't be leaving flowers at graves so close to when you're meant to give birth to our child." Next time, he thinks, nearly laughing because he can't imagine having yet another son or daughter in their lives so soon after this one, and Ross suspects Demelza wouldn't be keen on that, either. Still yet, his point remains the same. "And when we're sent home, you're to take care of yourself, are we agreed? You're to rest, not run yourself ragged, no matter how tiresome you find it to sit still."

The pains are still coming, sure and true, but having Ross undress her soothes Demelza like she'd known it would. His hands are gentle and she feels incredibly loved in this moment, knowing how much he's come to care for her, for the family they're building, and she'd never thought such a life possible for herself. Being born in Illugan to a man like Tom Carne should have guaranteed her fate. She would have been, at best, a bal maiden and at worst she would have been married off to some miner as cruel as her father, someone who might have hit just as hard or harder still.

She doesn't love Ross because he saved her, but there's little sense pretending she'd gone with him initially for any other reason than to protect herself. She doesn't love him just because he rescued her, but it does cause her heart to swell whenever she thinks back to the fight he'd had with her father, how he'd refused to let her go back to such violence.

His fingers pass over the scars on her back as he undresses her and she doesn't flinch, doesn't care at all.

"Judas, Ross, are 'ee putting another in me so soon?" she asks with a laugh, avoiding the rest, as they both know she's not likely to relax quite as much as he would like her to. "Suppose it might be for the best. Then I'd not have to find my figure again only to lose it in another year or so if things were to take such a turn."

As he helps her back onto the bed, another pain overtakes her and Demelza winces, clinging to Ross's hand. "Tis a wonder any woman does this willingly," she says. "We must forget the pain as soon as we see our child."

"Let us hope not," Ross says, smiling though he is sincere. He can't imagine going through this a third time so soon after a second, the mere thought of it is overwhelming. They already both work hard enough as it is to make sure they're not only making ends meets but living comfortably because that's what Ross has always intended for his family. The labor at Wheal Leisure may have been tiresome and ever frustrating, but he'd had a vision of a better future, not just for himself but for his workers and investors. Perhaps it hadn't gone quite like planned, but Ross remains proud, even, of what they'd accomplished.

He does wonder what's become of Wheal Leisure now. It doesn't matter, he supposes, not when there's no going back, but that doesn't make him any less curious.

In any case, his plans for his wife and children are growing larger in Darrow. There are things he'd like to do, though he hasn't shared any of them with Demelza yet, and Ross hardly has the makings of a plan yet but after their child is born and they've had time to grow accustomed to having a second baby, he wants to move forward. He'll have to find help, those who'll be willing to lend a hand without much more than the offer of food and water, but Ross hopes it will all turn out well in the end. In any case, he has more pressing matters to consider right now, so he turns his attention away from the future and refocuses it back on Demelza.

"Julia was worth the pain, was she not?" Ross teases, reaching out to press his hand again Demelza's swollen belly. "As this one will be, too. A girl, you think, right? Our own little Verity will soon join us in the world, and we'll fall in love in an instant. That will make three Poldark ladies who have a hold on my heart."

"Of course she was," Demelza answers, knowing there's nothing in the world she wouldn't do for her children, for her family. The pain is terrible, wrenching, and she grits her teeth against it as she leans back against the pillows. In a moment, the nurses will come bustling into the room, they'll do what they can for her, they'll help her with the pain and guide her breathing. These are all things she's read about since learning she was with child and while she's never experienced them before, she's been under the impression they're all things meant to make child birth easier.

How such a thing is possible is truly beyond her, but she hadn't expected the surgeons here to be able to cure her and Julia either, but they had. And so she trusts them to do what's right by her and by their new baby.

"How do 'ee know she'll be a girl?" she asks, closing her eyes for a moment so she can try to relax and breathe. "Perhaps I'll give you a son, a little Jeremy Dwight." Though she must admit, the thought of having a daughter named Verity, after her dearest friend and Ross's most wonderful cousin, it does fill her with a warmth as well. What she wouldn't give to see them again, Verity and Dwight both, even Francis and Elizabeth. There are some wounds that nothing can mend, but they are family and she believes enough time has gone by that Ross might see it like she does as well.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[september 4]

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