letitbetrue | (june)

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julie

(june)

Jeremy -- or Verity, Demelza reminds herself -- has gotten rather active of late, which has resulted in a distinct lack of sleep on Demelza's part. Though twenty-six weeks closer to the end than the beginning, she feels as though she still has far too long left to be with child and has found herself cursing the little one whenever he or she wakes her up in the middle of the night.

It isn't fair to the child, she knows that, and once the baby is born Demelza knows she'll be as completely in love with him or her as she was with Julia Grace when she had first arrived, but she'd not enjoyed being pregnant with Julia and she's not particularly enjoying this either. The difference in time does mean some things are a fair bit easier, but she dislikes how often she's meant to see her doctor, feels as though it cuts into what limited free time she has and she sees no reason for it.

That she has a free afternoon now is cause for celebration, however, and she's made plans to see Julie, which she's very much looking forward to. There's no possible way for anyone to fill the hole Verity has left in Demelza's life, not when Ross's cousin has become so important to her in such a short period of time, but Julie has also become incredibly special to her. Demelza values each and every one of her friendships and is terribly excited to spend the afternoon with Julie.

Even if she is terribly and uncomfortably round.

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I will take any excuse for shopping, especially when I can honestly say I am being helpful to somebody else. I am very excited about Demelza'so baby, and would be even if it didn't mean I have a reason to buy lots of tiny adorable things.

"I'm told it's possible to know before they're born if it's a boy or a girl. Did you find out, so we know what sorts of things we can buy, or are we throwing caution to the wind?"

The doctor had offered to let Demelza and Ross know, but she had felt strange about the possibility and so had refused for the time being, hoping that if she were able to do a bit more reading on her own, she might come to a better understanding of how such a thing is possible and the benefits to finding out.

"Oh, we don't know, not yet," she tells Julie. "Would it be better, would it help knowing what to buy 'em?" She isn't sure she understands that either, all the different colours being either for a boy or a girl. At home their children would have worn whatever they could afford and Demelza had sewn several of Julia's dresses out of old material that had been made available to them.

"I don't know about better , but we will probably want to stop ourselves from buying too many frilly little dresses." I am not often overly prone to practicality, but I do prefer that the things I buy get good use. "I'm not sure if I could stand not knowing, if it was me. I'd be dying of curiosity."

In truth, Demelza is just pleased that it's happened at all, that their child, boy or girl, is on the way, one more piece of their little family. She understands the logic in what Julie is saying, however, though it may not have applied in her life before.

"Tis that different here," she agrees. "The clothes d'seem to be made for a boy or a girl. At home the baby would have worn Julia's clothes and nothing would have been said about it. Twas nothing that said boy or girl about any of it."

"They've got the most darling little things, though." I take her arm and wave for a cab, wanting Demelza to save her energy for important things like shopping and not walking to the shops.

"Oh, yes. I did buy Julia a dress that has a leopard print belt," Demelza agrees, watching as the cab pulls up. Usually she walks most places to save money, but her ankles are rather sore today and she can't refuse.

"I'd no idea what a leopard was. Ross had to show me a picture of one in a book," she admits. "I just thought it rather pretty."

"We had a book of jungle animals when I was small. I'm sure I pretended to be a leopard at least a time or two," I confess with a grin, after giving the driver instructions and leaning back in the seat. I usually walk, too, but this is something like a special occasion. "I will keep a lookout for a book like it, for Julia and the little one."

"There was a zoo in London," Demelza tells Julie as she sinks into the seat with a cautious little groan. "I would have liked to have gone, but there was never really time. I've been putting off going to the zoo here until the new baby is born."

And it makes her a little nervous admittedly. She isn't sure what to do in the face of that many wild animals. They're behind bars, of course, and she understands there's little danger, but it's still such a strange thought to her.

"The zoo in London is glorious," I promise, as I have been there many times and loved it. "My brother Jamie and I once planned a jailbreak for a monkey, but our mother caught wind of the scheme before we could properly set it in motion." I sigh, as if being thwarted in this way had been a great tragedy.

"We were so sure we could dress it up in Jamie's clothes and Mother wouldn't notice once it was mixed in with all of us children. Mother assured us on no uncertain terms that this would not be the case, but we never did get to find out for sure."

Demelza laughs, covering her mouth, and says, "Oh, I do pray 'ee don't give Julia and the new little one any ideas. They'll have me goin' grey long before my time at that rate."

She pauses, then says, "Ross and I have settled on names. If she's to be a girl, she'll be called Verity, after his cousin."

"I doubt they'll need any help from me, but I don't think I'll be able to help myself if they do. Consider this a fair warning."

I am, of course, aware of Ross' cousin's name, and how much Demelza admires her. It makes sense, but I still feel a little pang to hear the name that was once mine, in a matter of speaking. "Verity is a good name," I say, managing a smile.

Maybe it's a warning, but it's one Demelza truly doesn't mind. For her children to have someone like Julie in their lives, she'll be terribly grateful, for if they can't have their Aunt Verity, they need someone like her, someone smart and strong and kind.

"Jeremy if he's to be a boy," she says gently, knowing the name Verity means much to Julie. "Jeremy Dwight, after Ross's best friend and our surgeon. He's a wonderful man and I miss him somethin' terrible."

"That's a good strong name, too." Not that my approval does or should mean anything, but I definitely do approve. "It's awful, missing people. New friends are wonderful, but I would give an awful lot for a familiar face from home."

There are so many people Demelza misses, she can't imagine what it would be like to see them all here. There's Dwight and Verity, of course, but Verity couldn't possibly come without Andrew, and she does miss Jud and Prudie in their way, too. Then there's Jinny, who wouldn't know at all what to do in a world like Darrow, but Jinny couldn't come without the rest of her family, which would mean Darrow would be all but overrun with Martins.

"Sometimes I think I would like to see one or two of my brothers," she says. "But sometimes I'm that afraid my father's poisoned them against me."

"I doubt that," I say, giving her hand a comforting squeeze. "Brothers are special. Nobody can take them away from us, even if we can't have them here." I would give just about anything to see Jamie in particular, though I would be overjoyed to see any of my brothers. "I would have all of Craig Castle, and most of Scotland besides if I could. As would most people, I imagine, so it's probably for the best that we can't all wish our homes here. Mir would be awfully crowded."

"My father is..." She pauses, not entirely certain of the right word and imagining Julie won't judge her for not knowing. "What word is it when someone is very good at convincing others they're supposed to think a certain way? Whatever that word is, that's my father."

She frowns, then adds, "And if he can't convince with words, he's happy enough to use his belt."

"Persuasive?" I suggest. Demelza's father sounds terrible, but he is her family and that isn't for me to comment on, so I don't.

"Right up here," I say to the cab driver, and then I grin at Demelza. "Let's see if we can buy out the whole shop, shall we?"

"Yes, persuasive," Demelza agrees. "And awful."

Tom Carne will never be welcome in her home again and as she struggles slowly out of the cab, she can't help but think that Darrow may have taken her away from many of her friends, but at least it's also made it possible that her father will never again be able to intrude on her life.

"Oh, Julie, I can't buy out the whole shop," she says, laughing. "Ross works too hard for me to spend all our money in one day."

"Half the shop, then," I say, offering my hand to help her. I can't help but wonder if anything is worth the indignity of pregnancy, even if I do hope to have a family myself someday. "I'll buy the other half."

Even after all this time, Demelza had real difficulty spending money on things she considers frivolous. She's capable enough when it comes to sewing and can mend her own clothes as well as turn them into new outfits when necessary. Having lived so long in true poverty has left its mark and she flushes as they enter the store and she catches sight of the price on a bed for the baby.

"Judas God," she murmurs. "T'think I slept in a box for most of my life."

I let out a low whistle at the price of the crib. I grew up with a lot of fine, expensive things, but most of them had been in the family for generations. I would never spend so much on such a thing myself, even if I still had that sort of money.

"Maybe we'll just buy a few small things here. Like this." I hold up a tiny pair of shoes, which even I know to be useless for an infant, but they are irresistibly cute.

"D'you know," Demelza says, taking the shoes with a small smile, "I never wore a pair of shoes until I were sixteen. We couldn't afford 'em and Ross bought me my first pair when it become clear I were a better housemaid than his last one."

It seems strange to see them made so small.

"If I have my way, my children will never go without somethin' a simple as shoes."

I wasn't spoiled or coddled as a child, and my parents said no to a lot of things I wanted. But I never went without a single thing I needed, and I can only imagine what it might have been like to go without something so basic as shoes.

"Fortunately, their Auntie Julie likes shopping. They'll need to grow more feet for all the adorable shoes I might find." I am sure that Ross and Demelza are more than capable of keeping their family shod, but it is a small thing for me to promise. Even if I am not taken seriously, I mean it with all my heart.

It's something very much like what Verity might have said and Demelza finds herself smiling, pleased and touched that she's met someone in Darrow who might care for their child quite so much, all without being bound by blood.

"Judas, I should hope they don't grow extra feet," she says with a laugh. "I think the doctor'd give me a cuff on the head if that were to happen."

"If they do grow extra feet, you can rent them out to the circus," I tease, grinning at a very fluffy dress that I force myself to put down before I get too attached. I will come back for it if the littlest Pollard turns out to be a girl. "They can buy their own shoes."

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