letitbetrue | (june)

Entry tags:

julie

(june)

Jeremy -- or Verity, Demelza reminds herself -- has gotten rather active of late, which has resulted in a distinct lack of sleep on Demelza's part. Though twenty-six weeks closer to the end than the beginning, she feels as though she still has far too long left to be with child and has found herself cursing the little one whenever he or she wakes her up in the middle of the night.

It isn't fair to the child, she knows that, and once the baby is born Demelza knows she'll be as completely in love with him or her as she was with Julia Grace when she had first arrived, but she'd not enjoyed being pregnant with Julia and she's not particularly enjoying this either. The difference in time does mean some things are a fair bit easier, but she dislikes how often she's meant to see her doctor, feels as though it cuts into what limited free time she has and she sees no reason for it.

That she has a free afternoon now is cause for celebration, however, and she's made plans to see Julie, which she's very much looking forward to. There's no possible way for anyone to fill the hole Verity has left in Demelza's life, not when Ross's cousin has become so important to her in such a short period of time, but Julie has also become incredibly special to her. Demelza values each and every one of her friendships and is terribly excited to spend the afternoon with Julie.

Even if she is terribly and uncomfortably round.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Ross is no fun." Of course this is not true, but I like to tease him even when he isn't around.

I see how she touches that blanket answer if she doesn't buy it, I will. Obviously, the baby needs it.

"You're making a whole new person," I say, my voice full of wonder. "It seems a little bit like magic to me."

"Oh, Ross is quite often accused of such, but I find him to be quite fun," Demelza answers with a grin, knowing Ross would shake his head at her words now. He can be terribly grumpy at times, but he's also the great love of her life and for that she'll forgive most things.

"It do seem strange," she agrees. "But I've learned all the biology since coming to Darrow and it's quite clear how it happens. I d'wish women had been allowed to study such things in my time."

"I should hope so! I'm not sure what it would take for me to be sure I wanted to marry somebody, but I am that he must be fun." Certainly, I prefer to share my life with entertaining people now. There's no way I would marry a bore.

"Even in my time, there were a lot of things they didn't think women were fit to do. I did some of them anyway, but we've got endless possibilities here, don't we? We can study anything we want."

Ross might not be fun in the way most people might consider, but Demelza has long since learned to read his moods and has discovered a pleasing sense of humour hidden under his gruff exterior. She knows there are others who might consider her naive, but she simply understands her husband and loves him dearly with all his faults and assets.

"Yes, tis all a bit daunting," Demelza admits. "After the baby is born, I think I'd like to study for the GED test. I've learned of it from Mr. Solo and he's that kind, he's offered to help me study."

"We can study together, too." I can feel my cheeks get warm at the mention of Mr Solo. "He is very kind, isn't he?" He might give me flowers and extravagant compliments, even though he doesn't really need them to seduce me anymore. He clearly isn't trying to get Demelza in bed or anything out of her, because she doesn't have much of anything of the sort that he likes to steal.

Demelza has always had a keen instinct for people and while she was growing up, found it paired with a deep mistrust for those around her. There's little reason for her not to trust any longer, but the tendency to read others well has yet to disappear and she looks at Julie, a smile curving her lips.

"Yes, he's terribly kind," she agrees. "Though I d'suspect based on the warmth of your face, it's an awful different sort of kindness he offers you."

"Yes, it is." There's no point in denying it, as I am evidently completely transparent to Demelza. "He's dead sexy, and such a lot of fun. Probably not a going steady sort of fellow, but I do like him."

Demelza smiles at that, picking up another blanket and turning it over in her hands before she settles on it and lays it over her arm. "It's only ever been Ross for me," she admits. "And while I'm that happy with him and have no thoughts ever of wanting to stray, I have to admit, I d'sometimes wonder what other men might be like in... in their ways."

She loves Ross far too much to ever entertain those thoughts beyond the occasional fantasy, but she knows it hasn't been the same for him. He's been faithful to her since they married, of course, but before her there had been others.

"They're all more or less the same, in my experience." Not that I have overly much of that experience, I don't think, but I have had my share of opportunity with a wide variety of young men. "Though of course, some put in more effort than others, and that's nice. Mr Solo is very nice."

Demelza very much doubts that to be true, though she doesn't have the experience to back it up. Somehow she feels as if Ross is an exemplary man, but she doesn't want to say that, she doesn't want to act as if she has something special, even though she's sure she does.

"So many things have changed," she says, looking over at Julie carefully. "Where I'm from... when Ross and I are from, surgeons d'say a good number of things. That women should take no pleasure in... well. You know."

"That's still a popular opinion when I'm from, too, but I think it's nonsense. Why shouldn't we like it?" I have never had much care for my reputation, but I do appreciate that there's less risk to my good name in the here and now, just because I like men and am not shy about it. "Any man I might want to be with cares about more than just his own satisfaction, anyway. I'll not waste my time with anyone so selfish."

Demelza shakes her head, because she has no answer for that, has long since thought it strange, especially when it comes to the gentlefolk. "Seemed to be worse when it comes to those with means," she tells Julie. "At least where I'm from. Tis often that they married for status rather than love and I d'suppose if you've not found love with the man you've married, other feelings might be hard to come by as well."

She had loved Ross long before marrying him.

"My parents were always very affectionate. I've never expected to marry for anything other than love, but I think you may be right. I can only imagine how hard it would be otherwise. Now I just need to fall in love. I think that might be the most difficult part," I say wryly.

Demelza's parents had been strange, stranger than she can even think to explain now, years after her mother's death. Tom Carne had beaten his wife as often as he'd gone on to beat his daughter, but her death had left him distraught, entirely broken in a way Demelza had never known before. She doesn't know what to make of them even now.

"Oh, I don't know," she says thoughtfully. "I found it rather easy to fall in love, but then, at sixteen I had a handsome soldier sweep in and save me from a beating, so I suppose that is somethin' else entirely."

"That sounds so romantic," I say with a wistful sigh. I don't think I'm ready to settle down, not when I am having so much fun with such a variety of lovely men, but I can't deny the appeal of being swept of my feet and into a happy, loving home and family.

"It wasn't really," Demelza admits. "Not at first. I didn't trust him none, I thought he might want somethin' from me and I were only a street urchin as far as he was concerned."

She laughs a little, then says, "The first day I worked for him, he shoved me under the cold water and very roughly scrubbed my hair. Didn't want no crawlers in his house, see. Things with Ross... it wasn't usual anyway. I think it happened rather slow for the both of us, but much faster for me." But nothing about it had ever been difficult.

"Who wants 'usual'?" My romantic notions might be a little unrealistic, but I want to believe that it's all possible. "It's all turning out very well, at least. I think that's plenty romantic."

"There's been times when I've wondered," Demelza admits. "Ross was in love with someone else, but when he returned from war, she was engaged to marry his cousin Francis. She's so lovely, so refined. I always did compare myself to her and sometimes I hated her."

She grimaces, ashamed of herself. "But she's always been that kind to me. I couldn't really hate her at all."

"I wish nobody ever made you feel as if you are wanting, just because they came from a family with money and you didn't." This is something I try to avoid myself, at least with people I like, but I can't help being posh, and I can't do much about how other people act toward those they consider inferior. "Because you're fantastic, really."

"Thank 'ee," Demelza says, smiling. Things are different here and they were even different with the Poldarks at times, but she knows what other families thought of her. Ruth Teague had always made it plain enough and even Elizabeth's mother had been unkind to her.

The Warleggans were the worst, however, and she knows they hate her not only because she's come from poverty, but because they hate Ross. She can hate them back with equal fervor.

"I d'think some of the women were simply jealous, having wanted Ross for themselves," she admits, still thinking of Ruth.

"I can see how that might be, though it's no excuse for being rude to you. He made his own choice." I very intently study a small pair of trousers before making my own confession. "I've gone out a few times with a man who looks a lot like him. But I have no designs on Ross himself, I promise!"

"Well, he is that handsome, so I d'understand it," Demelza says, although she's trying to imagine which man Julie is speaking of.

"It can't be Mister Garroway, for he and Mister Reid seemed so happy," she says. "And it isn't Kili, he's far too devoted to that lovely women he lives with. Is there another, then?"

"His name is Philip. I didn't realize there were quite so many men with the same face. How odd that must be for all of them." I'm not sure how I would feel if I met someone else who looked just like me, when it seems impossible but I have seen the phenomenon with my own eyes.

"Four of 'em now, so it do seem," Demelza says, shaking her head. They're easy enough to tell apart, for which she's grateful. Kili is quite small and Mr. Garroway is quite large, with Ross somewhere in between, though perhaps a bit closer to Luke than to Kili. And all of them wear their hair and their facial hair quite different.

"Is he a kind man?" she asks, putting a few little gowns in her basket to look at again later.

"It's a nice face, so I suppose we ought to count our blessings!" I say with a grin.

I go a little more thoughtful at her question regarding Philip's character. "I don't think he is, particularly," I answer honestly. "Oh, he's nice enough to me, or I wouldn't waste my time with him, but no. He doesn't strike me as especially kind or thoughtful. He isn't like Mr Solo, who brings me flowers for no reason other than he knows I like them. Philip hasn't even noticed that I do like them, I don't think."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject